Monday, 20 August 2012

Like a baby log

Not sleepy, but totally exhausted. I had two nights in a row where I’ve fallen asleep before I’m ready for bed. One night I slept the whole night with only half my pyjamas on because I fell asleep whilst getting changed. That kind of total exhaustion only ever happens after exams (occasionally), and always for one night only.

I have not been this exhausted since the weekend after Freshers’ week when I first started university seven years ago. That was a week of moving house (into halls), new experiences, meeting new people, getting my head around the work, just as the last few weeks have been. Except this time it’s a lot less social, and a great deal more work focused. To say this is the most tired I’ve been in seven years is no understatement. Jetlag is nothing compared to the past week.

I have been an Olympics-aholic the past few weeks, watching every possible moment in the evenings and at weekends, following TeamGB on Twitter, and yet I was so exhausted that I slept through half of the closing ceremony. I was gutted – I wanted to watch the whole thing, but no matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t going to happen.

This kind of tired will wear off – it has to, doctors couldn’t function like this long term! Once I get more confident in what I’m doing, and once the voice in the back of my head saying “ohmygod do I know how to do this/am I allowed to do this/do I know what this drug is/can I prescribe this medication/what the hell is wrong with this patient and what can I possibly do about it” every time a nurse asks me to do something has decreased in volume, the job will be less mentally exhausting. I will be less tired – I am determined to be. I have to be.

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