Tuesday, 31 July 2012
Tomorrow is “Black Wednesday”, the day when all the brand new doctors start. I should be terrified, but I’m not – tomorrow I have an all-day induction. I may be on call for two hours after the induction, but with at least one other new doctor and the evening on calls seem fairly quiet anyway.
On the one hand, a comprehensive induction is great. On the other hand, it’s just delaying the nervousness until tomorrow evening. I feel like I’m missing out on something – spending the evening with other new F1 doctors, who don’t have induction and therefore tomorrow is their first dose of responsibility and first real opportunity to accidentally kill someone, there was a sense of nervous, slightly excited anticipation. I don’t really have that. Partly because I’m not really starting tomorrow, and partly because in gynae, we’re not really trusted with being allowed to do that much, most things have to be approved by a senior. There is a great deal of discharge summary writing. But, it’s a very nice way to ease into the job.
We realised that we’ll never have this feeling ever again. Never again will we be brand new terrified doctors. Whenever we start a new job in the future, it will just be the next thing, not the whole big new thing. Never again will we be not-quite-doctors and then suddenly actual doctors. One of my new flatmates said she wanted to savour this feeling forever, this moment to last forever, and I wouldn’t quite go that far, but it is an interesting time.
So for me, tomorrow is perhaps Grey Wednesday. For all those new F1s for whom it really is Black Wednesday, good luck, don’t be scared, and remember to breathe. For anyone who has the misfortune to fall ill tomorrow, or in the next week, I honestly wish you the very best of luck, though hope with all my heart that you don’t need it.